Wednesday, 8th November 2006 at 12:36 am

Britney Spears finally files for divorce

The planets have re-aligned, global warming has been averted - and little Miss Muffet has finally realised; that her health is too important…and is taking a few serious detox steps.

Along with the cartons of Camel Lights and boxes Cheese Curls - poor old Kevin Federline has also been labeled for recycling.

After years of refusing to bath, clean his ear wax from under the dining room table and a natural inability to string a proper English sentence together, Brit-brit has finally had it, and has hired the ‘Johnny Cochran of Hollywood divorce lawyers’ to boot the brat.

Lucky for Britney, she knew the day would come when she’d have to kick the habit, and is protected by a serious pre-nup and is planning to apply for full custody of the little ones.

Next on the detox checklist: a plastic razor, lip waxing strips, Lance Armstrong’s phone number and a tooth whitening kit.

To our readers who follow the stockmarket - the US dollar is set to strengthen sharply in early morning trade on the news.

More: Britney Spears files for divorce - TMZ